it's late and i cant sleep. plus there's training early in the morning tmr. it always happens cus i'll replenish my sleep loss by sleeping through mornings the day after each training and end up not being able to sleep at night.

been talking to myself alot lately, so i guess i'll continue it here. i need to do something to make myself sleepy and, sleep.

the record of me having the longest time talking to myself is set at 4hrs. from 930am to 130pm, set on 2nd December 2005. that's the day we rowed from kallang to bedok getty. (: so it was the first time rowing there in a t1, the previous time rowing salem doubles with chris. (which sank due to overflooding of water. which pavin and michael towed back to shore. which cher scolded us cus we didnt put capsize drills to good use.)

so yes, the whole 4hr journey, i talked to myself! (: the journey from sheares bridge out was the waviest of all. due to all the bumboats and coast guards and yes, it was the open sea! the ride was bumpy, des and i even endured a "drop down". which is, riding a wave, and uh, dropping down with air space between my butt and the seat. reckoned that we didnt even need to learn proper canoeing strokes, it's just balance and reflex. every stroke was so japalang(!). we gathered at this yellow beacon(?) the first time and i admired the scenery. blue skies, happy faces in the canoes, admist the seemingly sparkling blue sea. i told them of how i wish i had a camera to snap such a moment. and i began singing songs, started off with "God will make a way, when there seems to be no way." gradually, i dontknow why, it became "God will make a wave, when there seems to be no waves." ahhh, the waves were getting to me. it was a choppy ride, risking a near capsize a few times. but i guess fast reflexes comes with being a canoeist. the journey back seemed alot longer than the journey there, i felt. it seemed never ending, with the splashes of the waves and strong winds. strong winds are the worst i swear. it just, blows me away. forces me to have a Strong control over my paddle so as not to be blown away into another direction by the wind. and somehow, i was rowing pretty far from shore, with no one nearby. i wasnt that scared, but consoled myself by saying that cher was just behind and if i cap, he'd be there to save me. but nooo, awhile later, i saw cher rowing past. oh no. ): i started psychoing myself, saying that if i cap now, no one would be there to save me. and if i really do, i'll be more helpless than braving the strong waves and winds alone in my canoe now. so that kept me going for awhile, while i sang "Reaching out for a hero"- Shrek! and i remember looking at familiar buildings and telling myself that Hey! i'm reaching soon! and i pass it realising that its not the building i initially thought itself. but being smart, i decided to leave in denial and uh, continue paddling on. looked ahead and saw a teammate, said to myself that, "That person is training hard, you should too! look, he's not stopping!". and at that exact moment, whoever that person was, he put down his paddle and had a drink. hahaha, whatever man. and i started describing the scenery. the old atap houses atop the sea, the boats, and yes, Asean Cableline! i remember that clearly cus i risked capsizing by turning back to read the exact name. talked more to myself and ahh, saw a dragonfly! glimmer of hope for me to push on! was comforted that there was some sort of life somewhere. ahh, at the intersection of the esplanade side and kallang side, my canoe was very naughty. it kept drifting to the left instead of the right. damnit annoying! but yes, i eventually did pull through (literally.) that ordeal and arrived at the thousand metre mark. every stroke, till i reached the launching point. ahhh, how my butt ached. ):

consecutive trng saw us trng with nyjc the next morning. we paddled out again and ahh, my wavebreaker was too tall, kept colliding with my paddle. which i, took it off soon after launching. the row there was just easy strokes all the way, until i turned. ahhhhhhhhh, it wasnt easy paddle anymore. that girl just passed me and rode every wave and kept turning back to check on me. how stressful. ): so many times i wanted to give myself an excuse that i trained yesterday and have yet to recover from muscle aches and thus cldnt overtake her. But, Mind Over Matter lah, i told myself. so even though i didnt overtake her, i managed to keep the same distance apart. tried following her frequencies, tried counting, tried this and tried that. and trudged myself back to familiar surroundings, yes kallang. muscles numbed, butt-shall not start on that. reached the launching point and ahhh, took a drink! :D

you know, you know. i've quite a few things to say, namely while training with nyjc, ngeeann and chinese high. especially the competition we had amongst ourselves. made me realise quite a few things. but its 3.29AM now, and i've to be up at 6am to meet germs&ali at the usual bustop. so i'll save this for another day.

and slowly, 16 became..
3 more to go.
a week more till 22km marathon.

goodnight, i hope.